"I am addicted to watching The Bacholerette."
"I am addicted to running."
Whatever their vice, many people have something (or things) they just can't seem to live without. Good or bad (whether or not you even believe in such things as a good addiction). I can't seem to live without my phone. If it isn't, on my person or near me, I tend to get a little antsy. I also love to go into Victoria's Secret whenever I get the chance. Yet, neither of those are the true number one addiction I have in my life. Alcohol. Some days (the days I pray come more often) are the ones where alcohol doesn't even seem appealing. Many days, I am fine until about early evening. I'm off work. No more responsibilities for the night. Time to relax, refocus, and get ready for the coming day. What's your way to relax? Yoga? Chitchat? Meditation? A glass of your favorite wine or other alcoholic beverage? Mine for awhile was an alcoholic beverage. At first, it started with a glass of wine here and there. Next thing I knew, it was every night. (Background note: Early February was when I really began looking at my life and trying to live a life of recovery. I have had a few slips and falls, but that's okay. Time to move on.)
- Have I wanted to drink today? Yes and not even just once.
- Drive Home
- Addict Mind - No one would know but you.
- Logical Mind - Yes, I would know, and I already told myself and others I would place myself in a month long help program if I relapsed again.
- Addict Mind - But you wouldn't have to tell anyone.
- Logical Mind - True, but we got to do this the right way... no matter how much I don't want to right now.
- Watching a Movie
- Addict Mind - Characters in the movie are drinking tequila. Doesn't that sound nice.
- Logical Mind - Yes, but I don't need it.
- Addict Mind - Come on. Just one drink.
- Logical Mind - We both know where one drink leads. Now, quiet. I need to focus writing.
- Further Along in the Movie
- Addict Mind - Look! Vodka! We could get altered real quick, and not feel anything.
- Logical Mind - Yeah, look! I'm working. PS You suck.
- Writing this Post
- Addict Mind - Damn. Sometimes I wish you would just give in, and have a little fun.
- Have I drank today? Last Relapse?
- No. I did drink on Saturday through. (Today is Day 3 since I last relapsed). Luckily, I had a friend help me sober up (and stay safe while doing so). I was coasting through my recovery, and it ceased to be my number one priority, along with my faith, for about a month. On my end, not a smart move at all. Did I relapse everyday? No, a few weekends I did though. It has to priority number one (again, along with my faith) if I want to stay sober.
- What is my goal with these posts?
- To help anyone understand and/or relate to when it comes to getting sober and staying sober. Also, I originally thought of the idea to help myself. I thought maybe, just maybe, having the accountability of keeping a blog people could see may help me from relapsing.
- Nugget of "Knowledge" for Today
- "Faith has to work 24/7" is a line I highlighted in my AA book. My recovery has to work 24/7, or else I'm in trouble and in danger of another relapse. I challenge myself and everyone else struggling with a problem out there to make sure your faith and/or recovery is working for you 24/7.
