Respect Thy Rude Neighbor

What does it mean to respect someone who doesn't always show you the same kindness?  Where is the line between showing grace and mercy and standing up for yourself?

Reflecting on the Past Five Months

5 months of no drinking. 5 months of taking more steps forward than backward.  My life is by no means perfect, and it never will be, and that's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect.  I can only make the most of what I have.  On some days, it is simple enough to keep on keeping on.  On others, it can be incredibly difficult to not hold grudges against people.  I once heard a kind woman say, "Bless them, change me."  Not so easy to live out.  A lot of the time, I selfishly what to be like "Bless me, change them" because they were rude or had a (in my opinion) false sense of entitlement.  *laughs* I need to take the lead of that kind soul and try to instill the "Bless them, change me." Simple. Not easy.  One helpful part to looking up and having a good attitude would be my job and co-workers.  I love my job, and I enjoy the company of co-workers.  We talk, we laugh, and... every now and then... we vent to one another, but mostly we talk and get to know each other.

It is still unbelievable about how much in such a short period of time has changed for the better in my life. There is no room for taking it for grated though. Humbleness is key.  Honestly is key.  Asking for help (when needed) is key.

Posts of an Addict: Post 1

"I am addicted to my Starbucks coffee in the morning."
"I am addicted to watching The Bacholerette."
"I am addicted to running."

Whatever their vice, many people have something (or things) they just can't seem to live without. Good or bad (whether or not you even believe in such things as a good addiction). I can't seem to live without my phone. If it isn't, on my person or near me, I tend to get a little antsy. I also love to go into Victoria's Secret whenever I get the chance. Yet, neither of those are the true number one addiction I have in my life. Alcohol. Some days (the days I pray come more often) are the ones where alcohol doesn't even seem appealing. Many days, I am fine until about early evening. I'm off work. No more responsibilities for the night. Time to relax, refocus, and get ready for the coming day. What's your way to relax? Yoga? Chitchat? Meditation? A glass of your favorite wine or other alcoholic beverage? Mine for awhile was an alcoholic beverage.  At first, it started with a glass of wine here and there.  Next thing I knew, it was every night. (Background note: Early February was when I really began looking at my life and trying to live a life of recovery. I have had a few slips and falls, but that's okay. Time to move on.)

• Have I wanted to drink today?  Yes and not even just once.
• Drive Home
• Addict Mind - No one would know but you.
• Logical Mind - Yes, I would know, and I already told myself and others I would place myself in a month long help program if I relapsed again.
• Addict Mind - But you wouldn't have to tell anyone.
• Logical Mind - True, but we got to do this the right way... no matter how much I don't want to right now.
• Watching a Movie
• Addict Mind - Characters in the movie are drinking tequila.  Doesn't that sound nice.
• Logical Mind - Yes, but I don't need it.
• Addict Mind - Come on.  Just one drink.
• Logical Mind - We both know where one drink leads.  Now, quiet.  I need to focus writing.
• Further Along in the Movie
• Addict Mind - Look! Vodka!  We could get altered real quick, and not feel anything.
• Logical Mind - Yeah, look! I'm working.  PS You suck.
• Writing this Post
• Addict Mind - Damn.  Sometimes I wish you would just give in, and have a little fun.

• Have I drank today? Last Relapse?
• No.  I did drink on Saturday through. (Today is Day 3 since I last relapsed).  Luckily,  I had a friend help me sober up (and stay safe while doing so).  I was coasting through my recovery, and it ceased to be my number one priority, along with my faith, for about a month.  On my end, not a smart move at all. Did I relapse everyday?  No, a few weekends I did though.  It has to priority number one (again, along with my faith) if I want to stay sober.

• What is my goal with these posts?
• To help anyone understand and/or relate to when it comes to getting sober and staying sober. Also, I originally thought of the idea to help myself.  I thought maybe, just maybe, having the accountability of keeping a blog people could see may help me from relapsing.

• Nugget of "Knowledge" for Today
• "Faith has to work 24/7" is a line I highlighted in my AA book.  My recovery has to work 24/7, or else I'm in trouble and in danger of another relapse. I challenge myself and everyone else struggling with a problem out there to make sure your faith and/or recovery is working for you 24/7.  

Walking with Patience

We are a generation of instant gratification.  I work with children, and I see this idea of instant gratification, or lack there of, all too often.  Yet, I still have to remind myself at times... I’m just like them.  Am I pouting, yelling, screaming, kicking, or cursing on the outside? No, not typically.  (Unless I’m in my car, which I’ll return to later.) But on the inside, oh buddy.  I feel like the little red, anger guy from the new movie, Inside Out.  Big, bulging eyes, clenched fists, hair on fire.  I just can’t stand it sometimes! However, “lucky” (lol) for me, God has knocked me upside the head a couple of times and spelled it out for me by placing a few, very caring friends in my life to verbally say so. About two months ago, my friend Ted was talking to me about the concept of patience.  Was I ready for that information at the time? No, probably not.  Yet, I’m super grateful it happened.  A seed was planted.  It was just going to take a little bit of time before it started growing.  He talked to me about the idea of patience even in the small things in life.  For example, driving.  I don’t know about some of you, but I have always tended to have a lot of road rage.  I thought it was a good outlet for me because I could get out my anger about other things by yelling and screaming at people that really weren’t going to hear me.  He gave me a little fact (I can’t recall where from but he’s a rather intelligent fellow so I trust him) that yelling and screaming in the car, or really any place, is only going to give you more anxiety and stress rather than releasing it.  I mostly agree with it.  Sometimes if I give a good yell in my car, pillow, or empty room, I will feel a better. I see his point though.  Is yelling or flipping them off going to get anyone anywhere faster? No. It is really not.  So, why get mad?  You are just going to end up at your destination at the same time (unless you are really speeding, which I’m not saying I do or do not condone).  Why not end up at your destination in a happier manner. Great seed planted.  Did I really try to be more patience even with the little things?  No, no I did not. God wasn't (and still isn't) ready to give up on me just yet.  A few months later God gave me another opportunity (and I feel like God has to have a sense of humor because it all just played out and happened all too perfectly).  One night I had mentioned to somebody I did indeed need to work on my patience.  Bam! Next day, God said, “Well, he’s your opportunity, Court!”  It took a couple days to figure out it was an opportunity not unjust event. A week or so later on Sunday evening, I was just about ready to burrow in for the night and avoid just about everyone and everything, when I had an old college friend call.  He, Eric, said, “Hey, I’ve been in Des Moines staying with my aunt, so I could go to this wedding last night.  Tonight, my aunt and I are going to a restaurant to watch a basketball game.  Want to join?” As much as I didn’t want to, I put on my best cheerful voice, which I don’t think was too convincing, and said I’d meet them. It was fun, the dose of laughter and cheer I needed. As the aunt stepped anyway for a few minutes, we had the chance to talk about how things had been going on.  He shared he had felt called to talk with someone while he was down in the Des Moines area.  Although he had enjoyed the wedding, he knew he hadn’t talked to that person yet.  He looked me squarely in the eyes, "I think the person I was called to talk to was you."  I know... wow.  That it home.  Hard.  We talked a little more.  One word stuck out in my mind above the rest.  Patience.  He said it just twice, and kind of patted the table as he said it, but patience. Bam, God spoke, again. Being as stubborn, and sometimes childish, as I can be though, I wasn’t ready to be patient. A little over a week passed before I was even ready to begin to accept my lesson.  God may be telling me specifically to have patience in certain areas or he may mean all areas of my life.  He just have patience, so I figure it is wise to apply in all aspects of my life as best I can.  “Walk with patience in all aspects of life”. Baby steps. That’s all it takes, and that’s all I’m doing.  Applying it at each opportunity no matter how big or small. Sure, it isn’t without a few trips, falls, and some yelling.  I pray God grant me patience and grace to overcome all trips and falls as well as my triumphs. I pray the same for each of you.  May you know the patience of our Lord, so you may walk with and share that patience.

Serenity Prayer: 

• God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

Bible Verses:

• James 1:2-8  New International Version (NIV)
• Trials and Temptations
• 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

• Colossians 3:12New International Version (NIV)
• 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

• 1 Timothy 1:15-17 New International Version (NIV)
• 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.